Ferber Baby

Some babies are good sleepers, some are awful sleepers. I always classified Netty as somewhere in between. She would rarely fall asleep while nursing, and then I would rock her and sing to her until she fell asleep. Then we'd play the game of shuffling her in my arms so that I could lay her down gently, and all the while praying that she wouldn't wake up. At the first cry I'd jump up to get her and rock her until she again fell asleep. This method has been working for me up until the last month or so. Suddenly it was taking longer and longer for her to fall asleep. I was running out of songs to hum (hum because I have been surprised to learn how many words to Primary songs I DON'T remember), my arms would fall asleep, and still my baby girl was wide-eyed. A few nights it took as long as two hours before she would finally be "down" for the night. And that was just getting her to sleep the first time of the night. She'd wake up twice to nurse throughout the night as well.

While we were staying in Utah over Thanksgiving break we hit a new phase. It was the scream-bloody-murder-no-matter-what-my-parents-do phase. I thought that perhaps this was because we were in a different environment and she wanted to be home. We were all overly tired, and I was sure that upon coming home everyone would sleep better. I was right.....for two nights. And then we were back to hysterics. Poor Jonny didn't know what to do with Netty screaming for no apparent reason and me sobbing because I couldn't console my baby. On Thursday we hit a wall. Netty started kicking and hitting as she flailed and nearly gave me a black eye. So I started researching during nap time on Friday and decided that we were in desperate need of sleep training. I read about several different methods and didn't know which to try. After Friday night's fits in which Jon got involved, he agreed that what we were trying wasn't working. We decided to go with the Ferber, or "cry it out," method. It was drastic, but it promised the quickest results, something we needed.

Then I read a lady's comment on a discussion board. The comment went something like this: "This is the most awful thing I've ever head. Even letting your child cry for a minute is child abuse. I can't believe anyone would do this." She proceeded to go on about how anyone who lets their child cry shouldn't have children and that Dr. Ferber should lose his medical license if this is the kind of thing he tells parents. With that, I was in tears. I felt like I would never sleep again. It's times like this that I thank Heavenly Father for my husband. He took me in his arms and said, "That lady's an idiot. You need sleep. We all need sleep. We're doing this."

We started "Ferberizing" for Sunday's first nap. We each kissed Netty, told her she is a pretty girl and that we love her very much, and I put her down in her bed. I set the timer on my phone for our first three-minute fit. In that time she was twisted in her blankets, her face was red, and tears were streaming down her face. I went in, rubbed her back for a bit, talked to her, and left a sobbing baby for five more minutes. Then seven. Then nine. Each time I emerged from her room, the look of distress was deeper on my face, and each time Jon held me until the timer went off. Finally she nodded off in the thirteen-minute increment. And actually, she slept longer than she had in a long time. I made three trips into her room for her second nap before she fell asleep. That night it was only two trips. She woke up once at 6:00 a.m., I replaced her pacifier, and she slept until we woke her up at 9:30.

On Monday the starting increment was five minutes and again increased by two minutes. By bedtime, I only had to go in once, I never got up with her last night, and I'm not sure when she woke up this morning, but I woke up in a panic at 10:30 and she was playing happily in her bed. We're at her second nap now, and I haven't been in since I initially put her in bed twenty minutes ago.

I swore I would never let my baby cry like I have in the last couple days. As I read back through this, it all sounds so simple, and it is anything but simple. Her first nap today was excruciating for me as I set my timer for thirteen minutes and listened to her cry for most of that time. On so many occasions I've almost given in and picked her up. But what I've found is a baby who is sleeping through the night, is taking longer and better naps, and is happier during the day.

So, lady, you're an idiot.