Annuals and Perennials

Every spring/summer when I was growing up my parents would by boxes of pansies and plant them in rows in our yard. Every year they died (whether mid-season or at the end of the season was a case-by-case basis). I always thought it was a lot of work for flowers that only lasted a short time.

Now I am married to a man who is quickly becoming a little obsessed with plant catalogs. As he takes more horticulture classes for his major, he brings home catalogs from class and thumbs through them, picking out all the flowers he is going to buy for our "someday-yard." We look through the pictures together, and as one who has never loved gardening, I think to myself, "This will be a good 'Jonny-project.'" But more and more lately, a few other thoughts have come to mind--annuals, perennials, and what they mean for me.

Annuals: My ward has a wide range of Relief Society sisters, from those who have been married a few months and have barely moved into the ward to those who have lived in the ward for thirty or more years and whose husbands have died of old age. Over the last several weeks in our Relief Society lessons, several sisters have made comments expressing a common theme, and this is it: life is full of seasons, and each season brings different responsibilities, opportunities, and challenges. Heavenly Father doesn't ask or expect us to do everything all of the time. This is one of the reasons why life changes so much--so that we can progress through all of the seasons and, over a lifetime, accomplish all that Heavenly Father has asked of us. Heavenly Father doesn't expect me at this point in my life to go to the temple three days a week, call every Relief Society sister who might be struggling in any way, and make dinners for everyone who is moving or just had a baby or had a family member die, AND take care of my own family. In this season of life, I need to take care of my family, including myself, connect with three sisters once a month through visiting teaching, and go to the temple as often as I am able (which is not all that often right now). In other words, I don't need to feel guilty when I look at all of the wonderful things that other Relief Society sisters are doing, because my seasons will come, and they too were in my position at one time,  or they will be someday.

I am grateful for annuals, which die at the end of each season so that when the next season comes, there will be room for new flowers to grow.

Perennials: One of my friends posted on Facebook a link to an article entitled "3 Things I Wish I Knew Before I Got Married" and a comment to that article led me to a blog post entitled "The Biggest Myth About Sex in Marriage" (click on the titles to read the articles). They brought to my attention this misconception about marriage that I have seen and heard at BYU-Idaho, perpetuated by both married and unmarried students--that marriage is all about sex, children, and "enduring to the end." Don't get me wrong. These elements are important. But until the last six months or so, I felt that my life now was completely about raising children and "enduring." How awful is that? Who wants to "endure" life? These articles helped me see what I've been feeling lately, that marriage is so much more than that, and marriages that focus only on sex, children, and enduring will in fact not endure.

It's no secret that Jon and I have been on a relationship rocket ship since we first met at the end of April 2011. We knew each other only a few short months before we were sealed for eternity, and in less than two years of that sealing, we will have two children. That's just plain fast. Moving so quickly has forced us to learn about each other, marriage, and family at an accelerated rate (and I was already at a disadvantage, having never been in a relationship before I met Jonathan). It also means that I'm just starting to understand things that many couples probably learn in a similar time frame, only they are only a month or two into marriage. One of those things being this: Jonathan is my absolute best friend. He is the first and last person I want to see every day. And what luck--we have forever to grow and perfect our friendship! What I have found in the last several months is that as Jon and I have become better friends, our marriage has become stronger. We have more fun together. We enjoy spending more time together. And we are more committed to each other.

I am grateful for perennials, which continue to grow year after year, getting bigger, stronger, and more enduring.

Perhaps by the time Jonny and I have our own garden I will love him enough to work in the yard with him....